'What were they thinking?' products

"Makes you sweat in the areas you need it most." That just says it all, doesn't it? In our never-ending quest to waste money on weight-loss products that require no discipline at all, Sauna Pants promise to help you "shed that extra water weight today!"

And best of all, you can lie down while you do it. Wouldn't want you to exert yourself.

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"As you hold the Shake Weight, it pulsates back and forth . . ." Ah, jeez. Do I have to spell it out? Just watch the "Saturday Night Live" parody.

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The bafflingly named Saf-Sleeper bedside gun holsters promise you'll "rest easy knowing your firearm is within arms (sic) reach." What could possibly go wrong

Dude, even the National Rifle Association tells you to "store your guns so they are not accessible to unauthorized persons." Or to half-asleep nitwits who'll mistake the cat for a burglar.

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After several weeks of intensive training, you get . . . a cat that uses your toilet. Ewww. Just . . . ewww.

One reviewer on Amazon.com noted that it might not work for cats that are "stubborn, picky, stuck in their ways or simply do not have the brain power to make the transition." Which shouldn't matter, because cats are known for their compliant, easy-going, brainiac natures.

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Here's a hair-loss solution that makes a comb-over look good: spray-on "hair."

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One question: Why?

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Pulitzer Prize-winning car critic Dan Neil was there when this car was unveiled at the Detroit Auto Show. "Holy hell!" he wrote. "This car could not have been more instantly hated if it had a Swastika tattoo on its forehead."

Neil insists this awkward beast started with a good design concept that was fiddled with to death. The last Aztek was made in 2005. A few years later, Pontiac itself was gone.

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It's as easy as making toast! Yeah, because boiling a hot dog is such hard work.

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• Video: Your food hyped up on drugs

For those days when you need to operate heavy machinery while getting wasted, consider this hands-free device with its adjustable strap. Soooo much classier than a beer drinking helmet, don't you think?

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Finally, a real solution for a First World nonproblem! If you cringe because people are gawking at the tan lines left by your golf shoes, pop your tootsies into this $230 in-home tanning bed for your feet!

• Bing: Tans that you just wipe on

Reversing decades of sneaker technology, these convex-soled shoes make it harder to walk. But the Federal Trade Commission says contrary to Skechers' claims, they don't make you any more fit. Skechers agreed to pay $40 million to settle claims it had misled consumers.

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There's a natural order to dog ownership. You tell your pooch to stay off the couch. Your canine pretends to obey you until your back is turned. This game goes on until the animal is too fat or aged to clamber up on the furniture anymore, in which case you finally win and can sit somewhere without being covered in dog hair. Unless, of course, you mess with the natural order of things and buy these stupid steps.

• Bing: How long is your dog likely to live?

In an era of bad cars, the Gremlin stood out. Its creators spared every expense in its design and construction, guaranteeing an uncomfortable ride and lots of repair bills. Parents who grew up in the 1970s don't have to tell their kids they walked five miles to school, uphill each way, in the snow; all they have to say is, "I had to drive a Gremlin."

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Suck and slice! No need to go to a chain discount store for a bad haircut when you can give yourself one at home. 

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So you're feeling lonely all by yourself in your Snuggie knockoff. Good news: You no longer have to look utterly ridiculous all by yourself. The Slanket Siamese is a "gigantic fleece blanket with sleeves for two." Now both of you can wear a giant robe, backward.

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Playing the game with your hands is just too stressful. What if you choose wrong? The cards take away all the guesswork. Now you can play this children's game with confidence.

• Bing: The best card games for kids